While most Christians agree to seek purity and save sex for
marriage, few have been given a blueprint for how that should
affect their view of dating and love. In I Kissed Dating Goodbye,
Joshua Harris sets out to expose the "Seven Habits of
Highly Defective Dating", and offers a realistic outline
of how to have a biblical vision of marriage. Harris contends
that one must begin with a new attitude, viewing love, purity
and singleness from God's perspective rather than thinking
that love and romance are things to be enjoyed "solely
for recreation". In such well-named chapters as "Guarding
Your Heart" and "What Matters at Fifty", Harris
encourages the reader to look at one's character rather than
revelling in infatuation and to regard love as a truly selfless,
biblical act rather than a feeling. Harris refutes the concept
that we are victims of "falling in love" (that it
is beyond our control), saying that "God wants us to
seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling. Smart love
looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the
moment. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying
God". Before you roll your eyes, moaning that this sounds
terribly unromantic, know that Harris does a superb job of
couching his convictions in the sincere belief that if we
are purposeful in our singleness and date with integrity,
a fulfilled marriage awaits us--in God's timing. --Jill Heatherly
should be the priority., 17 July, 1999
Reviewer: David Rupert (firstname.lastname@example.org) from Nokomis,
It was if though God led me to this book. I had just broken
off a "relationship" and had many questions about
why two people date in the first place. This book shed new
light on how one can view the single time of our lives, not
trying to see how many people we can pickup, but how you can
see members of the opposite sex as our brothers and sisters
in Christ. With this view, we have an attitude placed in our
hearts that we should protect one another from impurity and
guard against being dishonest with each other. At 26, I certainly
am happy I read this book and feel much more confident about
God's plan for me in the "relationship department."
I plan to encourage the youth group at my local church to
read, study, and understand Harris's well-written book. To
stop dating in NO way means to stop living. I plan to do plenty
of living and know that if there is somone out there that
God wants me to be with, it will certainly happen!
book that makes you think!, 12 April, 1999
Reviewer: A reader from Virginia, USA
This is an excellent book that shows how God can speak to
you in many different ways. I had been questioning my own
beliefs about dating and when I read the book, I was really
moved. Joshua Harris has a wonderful way of saying things
that I was thinking but didn't quite know how to express.
This book made me really think about what I had been "taught"
to value in relationships. I have since learned to appreciate
the amazing gift of singleness that I have been blessed with
up to this point. I believe that this book can speak to people
in many different situations, but ultimately leaving an important
message: live your life according to what God wants for you
and He will help you with everything else. I applaud Joshua
Harris for having the strength and determination to talk about
an important subject from a refreshing, Biblically-based,
perspective that will make every reader think about his/her
own relationship with God and with others
judge a book by its title!, 3 January, 2003
Reviewer: A reader from Derby, UK
The title meant I didn't read this for a year. Don't make
the same mistake!
It's well written, very well thought out, rooted in many biblical
principles and an all-round excellent read for anyone, older
teen years and up.
The author's thinking is so counter-cultural that it might
strike some people as being quite fanatical or severe. But
I'd conclude he's simply employing divine wisdom and being
very practical about the way he's applying Bible truth - and
perhaps that doesn't come naturally in this area today so
it all struck me as pretty refreshing.....
I'd certainly echo other reviewers who wished they'd read
this book many years earlier.
opened my eyes, 2 October, 2002
Reviewer: A reader from Europe
This book changed one of my best friends and made me curious.
I thought it was leisure reading coz I'm not in a relationship
and have never been in a serious relationship my entire life.
Reading this book made me face all my burried fears, desires
and questions. I used to joke with my single friends about
our pathetic, pitiful situation: being single! But this book
really open my eyes: Joshua Harris clearly and logically explains
how great it is to actually be single and how we can maximize
this "season of singleness"-as he calls it- for
His Glory; as we wait for Him to bring us to our future mate.
Not just for SINGLES but for those of us who DATED years ago
Reviewer: Sallywr@hotmail.com from Campbellsville,
KY 26 August, 1999
I read this book at age 37 when my oldest child was interested
in dating. I had to read it twice; once for my own personal
application and again to apply it to teaching my children.
I was amazed at Josh's God-given wisdom on the subject of
relationships. He has an awsome understanding of matters that
took me well into my 30's to achieve and more. This book helped
me to address issues that have haunted me well into my married
years that are directly resulted from my having dated as a
teen. Hind sight is so wise and what I know now from my life's
experiences, Josh describes in his book-and well done too.
His input on purity is right on the mark.
I have bought almost a dozen
copies and given them to single friends in their late 20's,
and late 30's (never married), as well as jr. high and high
school-age nieces and nephews, my own children and even my
mother. Input from these people have ranged from comments
like, "not dating may be for some people, but that's
not for me", "it is just too idealistic", to
"I'll buy into this", and "I would rather be
different than just like everyone else who is dating anyway".
I believe those who think it
is too idealistic are setting their standards in life way
too low. As Christians, we must set the mark to perfection
and keep on striving; otherwise, we are settling for less
than the best and are setting ourselves up for failure and
attack from Satan.
If the conceps taught in this
book are "not for you", and you are a Christian,
then maybe you aren't really seeking God's will for your life
in this area as well as other areas. Courtship rather than
dating is Biblical; dating has no good outcomes.
Read this book and then pass
it on. Talk it up. It is a concept that is growing like wildfire.
This generation coming up who is embracing courtship is going
to be awsome in the hands of God!!!