Have you ever wanted something
so badly that you just weren't willing to wait for it? Patience
runs thin when we are in a hurry and want things right now;
especially when it comes to love. It seems we just can't accept
ourselves as we should and just enjoy our own company. We
honestly do need to know ourselves before we try to get to
know someone else too intimately. By being secure in our own
self-esteem and confidence, we are able to go places and enjoy
things, even when we might be alone, because we truly are
our own best friend.
Rose had been married and divorced
twice, and with that track record, she was very reluctant
to get into any kind of new relationship. Most men started
out treating her in a very kind, very compassionate way, but
after marriage, it seemed things changed and she just felt
as if she was being taken advantage of.
She did keep dating, however,
because the one thing in life that she didn't want was to
be alone. Her mother, Alice, had lived a life of loneliness
and Rose wasn't about to follow in her footsteps. At six years
old, her father died from an unforeseeable illness, leaving
her mother to raise three children on her own. Without much
money, Alice was forced to go out into the workplace making
a living to support her little family and without much education,
she ended up in minimum wage jobs that barely made ends meet.
Rose was left alone with her other sisters quite often, and
as an adult, she longed for male affection and companionship.
Her one goal in life was to
find a man. She wanted this more than anything else, especially
since she had never really known the love of a man before.
Her first husband she married at 18, which enabled her to
get out of the house and start her own place in life. He was
a 17-year-old guy in the military, so somewhat like her mother,
she ended up alone much of the time, which was certainly not
what she had in mind. Joe would write her letters and call
her on the telephone, which was some comfort, but it wasn't
the same as waking up together in each other's arms. Being
such an immature age, he also succumbed to the advances of
other women while he was away, which ended the marriage after
just two years. Rose just couldn't deal with knowing that
he was playing around with other women and she wasn't about
to sit home and wait while that was going on.
Out of money and love, Rose
moved back home with Alice and her little sisters, only to
be told over and over how foolish she was to move out in the
first place and marry such a loser guy. Alice had never liked
Joe, and had never minded letting her know it.
Once again, Rose met a very
good looking fellow who she knew must be the right one, so
she married him. Again, he was unfaithful to her and she divorced
him. She was ready to just give up on ever having anyone who
would be true to her.
Rose wondered if she could
ever hold onto a man again, but that didn't stop her from
marrying the first man who came along. He was an older man
and a business owner with money, so that was a deciding factor
in her decision to rush into marriage. She needed emotional
and financial stability and this was what she was waiting
for. The problem with this one is that she didn't really love
him as a wife should love a husband. He was such a nice man
though, and going back to her need to have a male figure in
her life, she married him after just dating him just 5 weeks.
What a diamond ring he gave her! It was the most beautiful
piece of jewelry she had ever seen!
About two years later their
first baby came along, and such a pretty baby she was. Little
Diana was everything to Rose, so they decided to have another
child, and Jake was born not long afterwards. Here she was,
a housewife in a beautiful home with two beautiful children
and a loving husband; but he was a husband she didn't love
and that left her with an emptiness she had never known.
One day, she decided to get
involved with a local civic group in her town. She met a good-looking
guy who was close to her age. He was such a friendly man and
so charismatic. Rose had never met anyone like him and she
was immediately drawn to Charles. He wasn't married and they
had endless chats at the meetings she attended, but she felt
herself growing closer and closer to him. What would she do?
Here she was falling in love with the man of her dreams. Finally
someone she had waited for all of her life had appeared, but
it was too late because she already was set in a marriage
with small children and felt there was no way out.
Rose went to these civic meetings
every week, meeting Charles there and always going for coffee
afterwards, but nothing more. After her first two failed marriages
and her ex-husband's infidelities, she could not go down this
road herself. She remembered the hurt she felt and just could
not inflict this on her children or her devoted husband. So,
she remained "friends" with Charles for several
years before the time came when he asked her to decide between
the life she had and the life of love he could offer. But,
so afraid of losing little Diana and Jake, she declined him
over and over until finally he left town and she never heard
from him again. As the old song tells us, it truly is "sad
to belong to someone else when the right one comes along
Our friend Rose was just in
too big of a hurry to "get hitched". She felt incomplete
without a man, and this was partly due to the absence of a
father in her life. By not growing up around men, she had
a deep need to fill that void, but had she recognized this
as the reason or basis for all these relationships, perhaps
Rose might have made better choices. We do deserve the best
and the best certainly is worth waiting for.
Patience is such a virtue that,
as a whole, we all have to work on in life. By not waiting
for the right husband (or wife), we are doing ourselves an
injustice. By marrying the wrong people just to get out of
the house or keep from being alone, we sacrifice our very
souls by living with people we really don't love (or sometimes
even like) that much. Always be fair to yourself, and true
to your heart and feelings and you will never find yourself
alone in this world.
Lu Huskey is an aspiring writer,
liturgical musician, and owner of her own consulting company.
Her experience in relationships is reflected in a successful
20 years marriage and being a mother of three.
Lu writes for DrDating - a
web site for anyone looking for love online. We have hundreds
of articles, E-Books and links to some great dating and love
sites all over the world. DrDating also offers reviews of
some of the most popular dating sites and books. http://www.DrDating.com