Are you too picky or not picky enough when it comes to finding love?
If you have been in one or more long-term relationship and are now
single again, you may find yourself at one of the two extremes of
pickiness. You can become extremely picky to try to protect yourself
from hurt. Or, not having been in a relationship in a long time,
you can be so desperate for a relationship that being with any person
seems much better than nothing.
Becoming less or more picky than
you currently are about whom you date may improve your chances of
finding true love -- for the first time or again. Read below to
see how you can adjust your pickiness level.
You are too picky if:
- You have no problem getting dates,
but everyone you date has something about him or her that turns
- You have very specific ideas about
who your partner needs to be: a particular religion, income level,
profession, very similar interests, etc.
- You need a person to prove himself
or herself to you over and over again, before you consider opening
up to him or her.
- You need a partner to never let
- You have a particular style or
type of person you like and will only date this kind of person.
You are not picky enough if:
- You are willing to date anyone
fairly decent, whether they are a good match for you or not.
- You don't want much from a partner:
a sense of humor, a job, and being attracted to the person is
- You get into relationships quickly.
- You will accept lots of imperfections
in your partner.
- You date people whether or not
you are attracted to them.
If you identify more with being too
picky, when you let someone in, you do not let them in deeply for
fear they will not be good enough. Because of this, you tend to
end up alone.
If you identify more with not being
picky enough, you mostly end up with people who aren't a very good
match for you. You're also likely to spend most of your time out
of a relationship and sad about it.
Want to end up in a relationship
rather than ending up alone? Here are some guidelines for what you
should and should not be picky about.
Here's what you should be picky about:
- Qualities that will matter
in the long run: a similar value system, communication style,
and level of integrity.
Ensuring your potential partners have these same qualities makes
being in the relationship with each other easier - the two of
you will be on the same page in many aspects.
- Your partner should have the
same family goals as you, such as having children or not, getting
married or not, etc.
You want someone with the same family goals because they can be
relationship breakers if you're not in agreement.
- Choosing a kind and gentle
person who cares about people's emotions.
Relationships can be hard. In hard times you want a partner who
will treat you well instead of poorly.
- Choosing a person who has no
exes lurking around hoping to reignite the relationship.
Lurking exes tend to cause problems for relationships because
the lurked is often torn between the past and present relationship
and cannot fully be in either.
- The person you choose should
have a job or even a career, and have his or her life and finances
in order, or at least be working on it.
You want someone who is living well with or without you to avoid
unhealthy dependencies and resentments.
- The person should be someone
you enjoy looking at, someone you find attractive.
Healthy physical intimacy is critical to a long-term, happy relationship.
Without a mutual attraction, this is something you will not have.
You don't have to be picky about
- The person's profession.
Even if you have had a bad experience with someone of a particular
profession, chances are the trouble was with that particular person.
- How much the person earns.
If you find you earn in different financial brackets, you can
sometimes spend a little and sometimes spend a lot to even things
- Exactly how the person looks.
You need to be attracted to your partner. But you might be surprised
to find yourself attracted to someone who is not your "type."
- The person's past, as long
as it has been worked through and put to rest.
You need not worry about your partner's past as long as you can
see that the emotions and circumstances of the past have been
experiences and worked through.
Your Relationship Coach,
"(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002.
Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build
a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your
needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills
and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships.
where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine.
Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"