Sometimes, relationships run
their course. You may be at fault or not, but when its time
to bring your relationship to an end, you want to do so cleanly
and effectively. Here are some suggestions:
1) If you have personal items
at your lover's place, you want to begin getting them back.
This is much more difficult to do after the breakup. If your
lover has things around your home, put these in a box and
have them ready to move. Be thorough - you don't want to have
things left around for him/her to need to come back for later.
2) Don't involve your friends,
family, co-workers, etc., in the breakup. This is only between
you and your mate. Adding others to the breakup just increases
the humiliation factor.
3) If you're afraid of a scene,
break up at a public venue such as a restaurant. However,
don't "lure" your soon-to-be-ex lover there under
false pretenses. Explain that you want to "talk about
4) Don't wait until a "good
time." Do it as soon as you make the decision. Waiting
only prolongs the inevitable and makes it even more difficult.
5) However, don't breakup on
a day with special significance. For example, don't breakup
on Christmas Day, Easter, or your ex-partner's birthday. This
is cruel, and may spoil that day for this person for many
6) Don't hedge - get to the
point. Be clear and specific. Don't blame or argue, and don't
prolong the event. Again I say
7) Don't breakup in stages!
Some people; either through fear of losing someone, or a feeling
that their sparing their ex-lover's feelings do the "series
breakup". They start by getting distant, then, they suggest
that both of them see other people, then, they stop answering
the telephone, etc. This just causes the pain to be extended
for a longer period of time than is necessary.
8) Be considerate of your ex-lover's
feelings, but don't back down. Also, don't promise to stay
in touch, stay friends, or say that maybe you can get back
together after you "get your head together". This
leads to false hopes.
9) Don't unload your hurt or
anger on this person. Be detached, unemotional, and specific.
10) And Finally, don't bad-mouth your x once everything has
been resolved. Remember that old saying, "if you don't
have anything nice to say" you know the rest.
Breaking up is very difficult for both the person doing it
as well as the person getting dumped. Always remember that
you saw something special in that person when you first got
together. Regardless of what happened to cause the break up,
they are still the same person you met and have a right to
Be bold, be compassionate, and be truthful. Follow these guidelines,
and you have mastered the Art of Breaking up.
My name is Joe Vetromile, and I'm an author/screenwriter living
in So. California. I've written hundreds of articles on the
subjects of flirting, dating and breaking-up. Besides having
first hand experience with all three, my research on the art
of dating confirms to me that while the ritual of hooking
up with a soul-mate may be arduous at times, the end result
of finding that perfect someone to share the rest of your
life with, is well worth the effort.
Joe Vetromile writes for DrDating - a web site for anyone
looking for love online. We have hundreds of articles, E-Books
and links to some great dating and love sites all over the
world. DrDating also offers reviews of some of the most popular
dating sites and books. http://www.DrDating.com